Wednesday, November 3, 2010

And the award for Most Selfish Daughter goes to...

Today is definitely one of *those* days. Mom woke me up at 5am complaining of a headache. Now, normally, I'm awake at 5am and almost ready to face the day. Today was one of the few I had planned to sleep in since I was taking Liam to school. I wasn't the happiest person to ever fetch an extra strength Tylenol or two. I was probably downright grouchy as hell. Fast forward an hour, and I wasn't able to go back to sleep, so I got in the shower. I was about halfway through when Mom starts hollering through the house for me again. I pretended for a few minutes not to hear her, but fearing that she'd wake the rest of the house up, I cut my shower short and went to see what she wanted.

A glass of water. Another glass of water. Her second of the day. At 6am. Really? I was fuming. Maybe livid is a better descriptor. But, because I am first and foremost a dutiful daughter, I got it for her. But it threatened to ruin the whole day and how I dealt with her. Little did I know.

I took Liam to school and when I got back... Mom's acting weird. In that "My blood sugar is too high" way. So I take her to the ER. And my fragile mental state starts blaming me for this. I should take better care of my mom. I shouldn't think things like "take care of your own damned self". I shouldn't be making plans to move out, she's my mom, and she NEEDS me. You're one ungrateful bitch, Abbie.

So Mom's in ICU and I'm sitting in her chair in the living room. I'm scared to death that she'll never sit in this chair again. And my jewish guilt will eat me alive.

1 comment:

  1. Try not to beat yourself up, it happens and it is not your fault. We are all guilty of selfishness, it does not make you an ungrateful bitch.